Hello friends!

One of the most common fears I come across in my coaching practice is the fear of being a burden:

• "I don't want to be a burden to my partner"
• "I don't want to disappoint my parents"

And honestly, I was the same. When thinking about quitting my job at McKinsey to explore entrepreneurship, I had the exact same thoughts. And it almost stopped me from embarking on this chapter.

Almost.

That's what this week's exploration is about.

This week's theme:

The burden belief

Here's something that no one ever seems to consider:

More often than not, my clients will immediately admit that the answer is probably no. I'd then encourage them to have that conversation with the people they're "burdening" to confirm whether that's true. They'll usually come back and say: "Yeah they never thought I was being a burden at all!"

So why do we do this then?

Why do we insist that we're a burden even when deep down, we know that our loved ones probably don't feel the same way?

There are a couple answers I've observed.

#1. We forget that our perspective isn't the only perspective.

When I asked my partner if I'd be burdening her by taking time to explore entrepreneurship, she said "Not at all. As long you don't sit at home doing nothing."

Immediately I felt like a burden. So I clarified with her "Do you mean like... not making money?"

And she explained "No, that's not what I meant. I just mean that you don't sit at home playing video games all day. But honestly? You'd be the last person in my life I could imagine doing that."

Ah of course!

My definition of "doing nothing" wasn't the same as my partner's definition of "doing nothing"

And it's when we become too tunnel-visioned in our own perspectives, that's when the misalignment in the burden belief start to emerge.

#2. We use the burden belief to hide from our fears.

One of my clients said he couldn't fail or disappoint his supportive partner anymore. And so I asked him "Do they feel the same way?"

They said "No" with a deep sense of remorse.

And so I asked him why he had this thought.

Turns out it was that he believed he was a failure himself. And he was afraid of being a failure. But admitting that was scary, whereas in comparison, being a burden felt less scary.

He came to the conclusion that the "non-burdening" thing to do would be to have an honest conversation with his partner about how he felt.

I agreed, because only through these conversations can we see things from the other person's perspective. Heck, suppressing these feelings might end up being the thing that actually turns them into a burden.

So if you're navigating a rough patch in life right now, and you think you're a burden... just know that others may not feel the same way about you. And that it's okay to share how you feel. In fact, it would be the responsible thing to do to have that conversation.

If you'd like to explore this more...

This week's YouTube video talks about this topic and goes deeper into how to reframe ourselves out of this burden belief:

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That's it for this week's issue of Emotional Explorations! I hope it helped, and I look forward to writing to you again next week.

Best,
Eric