Hello friends!

One of the most life changing moments during my time at McKinsey was when my counsellor called me out on a deep fear of mine:

He dropped this truth bomb on me while I was the most stressed I'd ever been in my career. I knew he was right, and I knew I had to change. I needed to give myself permission to let people down.

And in doing so, I became far more impressive in work (and life) than I'd ever been before.

That's what this week's exploration is about.

This week's theme:

The Permission Paradox

People would often be surprised about how I became more impressive after giving myself permission to let people down. But as soon as I explain the reasoning, they're usually convinced.

And this is what I call "The Permission Paradox"

#1. The energy unit analogy

So for every single task you're doing, you will have the equivalent of 10 energy units available for the task:

1️⃣ 2️⃣ 3️⃣ 4️⃣ 5️⃣ 6️⃣ 7️⃣ 8️⃣ 9️⃣ 🔟

But not every single one of those energy units will be available for the task. In my case, I was probably spending 3 of those energy units just on worrying about letting people down.

1️⃣ 2️⃣ 3️⃣ 4️⃣ 5️⃣ 6️⃣ 7️⃣ ◻️ ◻️ ◻️

As a result, I only actually had 7 of those energy units on the work itself.

So what happens when I give myself permission to let people down? Those 3 energy units become available again.

◻️ ◻️ ◻️ ▶ 🟩 🟩 🟩

And that means I have my 10 energy units available for me to just do my work.

🟩 🟩 🟩 ▶ 8️⃣ 9️⃣ 🔟

Ultimately, this means I have more energy to just focus on the work itself. And surprise surprise... I become more impressive.

#2. The results

After giving myself permission to let people down, I operated far more freely:

• I once showed up to a client workshop with unfinished slides. I told everyone "I couldn't answer all the questions myself, and I think we should discuss them as a group." My clients felt more engaged and my manager was impressed (after her initial reaction of horror had dissipated)
• I once sung a parody of Bohemian Rhapsody in front of the entire McKinsey Australia office. It was scary as heck, but I reminded myself "I'm here to bring joy to my colleagues. It's okay if I make mistakes." And after that, basically everyone in the Australia region knew me by name and face.
• Finally, I even got a top 10% performance rating during my performance review.

#3. The conclusion

Limiting beliefs like "I'm not allowed to let people down" occupy valuable mental bandwidth. And the thing that allows you to drop the belief... is permission.

And that's what The Permission Paradox is about:

This is what I work with in my coaching practice. Telling clients to say out loud:

• "I am allowed to fall behind in life."
• "I am allowed to put myself first sometimes."
• "I am allowed to not be the best manager."

These are all real examples. Powerful examples. Because in freeing yourself up from these limiting beliefs, that's what helps you make breakthroughs in the thing you fear.

If you'd like to explore this more...

That's what this week's YouTube video is about.

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Otherwise, that's it for this week's issue of Emotional Explorations. I hope it was helpful, and I'll see you again next week!

Best,
Eric